literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize