i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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