before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
