Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
