Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
