does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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