All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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