She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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