$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
