this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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