i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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