She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
