you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
