so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
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dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
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It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend