omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
