so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
