I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
