Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
