yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
