she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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