dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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