You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
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I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
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and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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