I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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