you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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