Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
