Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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