I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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