watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
