There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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