never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
