i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
How external is "for external use only"?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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