Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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