Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
