fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
