New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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