Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
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I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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