You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
