So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
