Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize