Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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