My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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