You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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