Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Barsexuality is the new black.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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