We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
