Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
