It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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