Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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