we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
