How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
