How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Congratulations! We have a period
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