The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
