Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
