Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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