I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
