My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
