I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
